School Anxiety: When your child simply can't face school

Many parents have experienced it.

A child who once attended school happily suddenly begins refusing to go. Mornings become increasingly difficult, anxiety levels rise, and what looks like defiance from the outside is often something very different.

School anxiety is becoming increasingly common, particularly among children with SEND, autism, ADHD, sensory differences and PDA profiles.

What does school anxiety look like?

Every child is different, but common signs can include:

• Complaining of headaches or stomach aches before school

• Difficulty sleeping on school nights

• Emotional outbursts before leaving home

• Increased anxiety or low mood

• Exhaustion after school

• Refusing to attend school altogether

For many children, these behaviours are not a choice. They are signs that the child is struggling to cope.

Looking beyond the behaviour

When a child says they "hate school", it is often worth asking why.

Possible reasons might include:

• Social difficulties

• Sensory overwhelm

• Academic pressure

• Anxiety about making mistakes

• Bullying or friendship challenges

• Feeling misunderstood or unsupported

Understanding the underlying cause is often the first step towards finding solutions.

Three things parents can try

1. Listen without immediately problem solving

Children often need to feel heard before they are ready to accept help.

Instead of jumping straight into solutions, try: "That sounds really hard. Tell me more."

2. Focus on regulation before learning

An anxious child is unlikely to be ready for learning.

Supporting emotional regulation through rest, movement, preferred activities and connection can often be more effective than pushing through.

3. Celebrate small wins

Progress doesn't have to mean full attendance immediately.

Getting dressed, entering the school grounds, attending for a short period or engaging with learning at home may all be significant achievements.

Remember:

School anxiety is not a sign of poor parenting, laziness or lack of resilience.

Many children who experience school anxiety are working incredibly hard simply to manage their day.

With understanding, appropriate support and realistic expectations, children can regain confidence and reconnect with learning in ways that work for them.

What can I do to help?

I support children who have experienced school anxiety, emotionally based school avoidance and difficulties accessing traditional education.

Through personalised tutoring and relationship-based support, my aim is to help learners rebuild confidence and engage positively with learning once again.